Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
