You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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