quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
