dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
