Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
