I molested 6 butterflies tonight
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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