well you can't waste a boner
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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