Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
