To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize