Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
