if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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