I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
