A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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