Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
