As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize