it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
