I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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