I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
birth control should be required to get into college
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
