Plan B is the new Plan A
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We had to coat check the pizza.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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