i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You've changed since you got that strap on
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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