i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
