It's Friday. Sex?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
