what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
