She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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