why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
