By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
