so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
