her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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