So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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