I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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