Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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