It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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