Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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