Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
