New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
