his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
