I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize