Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize