There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
