I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
