i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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