can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
