she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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