Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
