i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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