Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
