And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
