Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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