you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
