glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
