My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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