i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
