she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
