she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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