im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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