I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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