I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
