Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
