Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
