It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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