I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
