Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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