he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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