did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
