my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize