I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
