Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize